In today's Belleville News-Democrat's Monday Etiquette column, Dianne Isbell's readers ask some questions about proper behavior while eating out and the MAtH (man about the house) and I mull them over.
Me: Have you ever been given two napkins when you've been out to eat?
MAtH: Is this a Dianne thing again? Boy, Mondays sure come around fast.
Me: Yes, and she got a question from someone who wanted to know if it would be proper to ask for a second napkin to keep at the left of the plate if "you know you use a napkin a lot?"
MAtH: Is this a bar b que restaurant?
Me: It doesn't say, but it doesn't sound like it.
MAtH: What does Dianne say?
Me: "Although some restaurants now provide two napkins, which the waiter
open and place on your lap, one under the other, it would draw unwanted
attention to ask for a second napkin. Be careful when using your one
napkin so as not to place it back on your lap with butter or food
crumbs on the bottom."
MAtH: It's just too early to think about stuff like this, but you know what I'ved noticed about restaurant cloth napkins these days, they're....
Me: ...slick and slippery and nothing seems to absorb into them! Like they've been cleaned in Scotch Guard!
MAtH: Exactly. They're so slippery they slide off onto the floor constantly and you really have to work your hands into them to get your hands cleaned off.
Me: And then the napkin turns into an ugly wrinkled ball that won't straighten up again. Hahahaha, what an image.
MAtH: One of the under reported realities of restaurants, someone should do an expose of the napkin issue and write a story about it for the paper. Have the story rate restaurants by their napkins.
Me: Good subject for the Wednesday food sections. Another person asks: "What if you are not in charge of the menu at a business dinner and you don't like something being served?"
MAtH: Stay home.
Me: Ask for a doggy bag.
MAtH: Make sure you're in charge of the next dinner.
Me: Offer it to the hearty eater next to you.
MAtH: Like you always do to me.
Me: Only when it's fish.
MAtH: Which reminds me, did I mention we are meeting some people for dinner on Thursday night?
Me: noooo, you didn't.
MAtH: They're very nice, but I am always uncomfortable knowing whether or not it will be ok to order wine when I go out with people I don't know well.
Me: Hey, you're in luck, Dianne has the answer to that question today too!
MAtH: Please, no more. It's more than I can take on Monday morning.
Me: Every other day, every other day, every other day of the week is fine, ye-ah, but whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes, you can find me.....
MAtH: