The MAtH (man about the house) and I are amazed at Dianne Isbell's Monday Etiquette column this morning because she just machine guns out the questions and answers. Bing bang boom.
Me: Dianne's column leaves me almost breathless today. I can picture her in her home office ripping open envelopes, reading the question and banging out an answer on her electric typewriter.
MAtH: Now be nice, Dianne probably has a computer.
Me: Anyway question one comes from a woman who is getting tired of a couple of friends who dominate conversations and never let the others get a word in. She asks Dianne: "My mother says there is a famous quote and it is something about listening and not talking. Do you know it? Should I really say it?"
MAtH: Of course there is a famous quote, which one did Dianne pick?
Me: Bwahahahahahahahaha...Ok, listen to her answer...Perhaps your mother is thinking of the social satirist, Fran Lebowitz, who said, "The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting." It is a great quote but it may be lost if you use it on your ill-mannered friends because they may not understand it.
MAtH: The social satirist who? I have never heard of Fran Lebowitz. And I don't understand the quote at all.
Me: This is so amazing. Not only does the quote make no sense at all, but who would ever have guessed Dianne Isbell would even know who Fran Lebowitz is?
MAtH: Well, who is Fran Lebowitz? I thought she'd find a quote from Proverbs or something.
Me: Me too, but Lebowitz wrote Metropolitan Life and the Preppy Handbook back in the 80's.
MAtH: Must have missed it. Social satirist? whew
Me: Anyhow, the other questions and answers are so funny and so bizarre there must have been a full moon when this column was written.
MAtH: I liked the one about the after dinner drinks. "How many kinds of after-dinner drinks or liqueurs do you think one should have available when hosting a dinner party for eight people?"
Me: And she recommends?
MAtH: Not more than four or five. But who has 4 or five kinds of after dinner drinks?
Me: Who even has one?
MAtH: After dinner drinks should be coffee or tea.
Me: Which brings us to another question.
MAtH: Oh, boy, really It's getting late.
Me: Ok, but you have to hear this one. Some asks her: "Which is correct: restroom or bathroom?"
MAtH: Now we know she just makes these things up. Who would take the time to write such a thing?
Me: Before you leave today, here is the definitive answer to this nagging question: "Restroom is the term for facilities in public places or anywhere outside the home. Bathroom is the term for facilities in your or someone else's home."
MAtH: In a strange way this makes sense. You wouldn't be taking a bath in a public facility.
Me: On that note, don't you have to get going?
MAtH: On to our "bathroom" to get ready for work.