Labor Day guests are coming back

The MAtH (man about the house) and I are finding Dianne Isbell's Monday Etiquette column in the Belleville News-Democrat quite current today.

Me:  Well, as always, Dianne is up to date and on top of things.

MAtH:  As always?  Up to date if this was 1932.

Me:  Ok, then let's just say she's relevant to the Labor Day holiday.

MAtH: Somehow I see a weird twist on Labor Day coming.

Me:  Heh.  Here goes...

Me: Someone writes:  "Lat year, we invited some out-of-town friends to come stay with us over the Labor Day weekend for a barbecue with other friends and neighbors and just "catch up" with what's been going on in their lives. Somewhere during their stay, I guess someone said, "We should do this every Labor Day because it is so much fun." If my husband and I said it, we were probably joking or being just stupid. If someone else said it, we obviously felt it was a compliment and went along with it and never thought any more about it."

MAtH:  Lat year?  Is that new slang or something?

Me:  Dianne typing too fast and no editorial oversight.

MAtH: So is there a question in there?  It looks like the joke may be on these people, right?

Me: Yep.  "Guess wha? A week ago, these out-of-town friends called and told us when they were scheduled to arrive. I was in shock, stuttering and backpedaling feeling like a complete idiot. When I awkwardly got the words out that we were going out of town to visit one of our children, there was quiet on the other end and then, "I wish you would have told us ahead of time so we could have made other plans."

MAtH:  Ok, hold on here.  "Guess wha?"  The spelling or misprints are getting on my nerves. 

Me:  It is disconcerting. 

MAtH:  But not as disconcerting as having guests coming you weren't expecting.

Me:  You have to wonder who's fault this mixup really is. 

MAtH:   You may wonder, but I really don't care.  There doesn't seem to be a question in there.

Me: Oh, right.  The question is, "Did we screw up or not? Even if that was said last year, wouldn't we have had to follow it up with a more current, definite invitation in writing or at least by phone?"

MAtH:   Did Dianne ask this woman to use nicer language than "screw up?" 

Me: "Your out-of-town friends inappropriately and unwisely chose to act on a year-old event. The result was an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation for all of you. They should have contacted you months ago to renew the friendship and then discuss Labor Day."

MAtH:  It does seem like there should have been some sort of communication.  What kind of friends are close enough to spend a weekend, but not close enough to talk at all during the year?

Me: The kind who write to Dianne.  But, wait, there's an even better question this week.

MAtH:  Labor Day is going fast, let's hear it.

Me: "I feel very uncomfortable when I am in a restaurant and the waiter or waitress squats down on the floor next to my chair or booth, or even sits across from me, to take my order and the orders of those who are with me. Is there anything I can politely say to stop this?"

MAtH:  I've always thought that squatting practice was a little weird, it's not like most waiters are so tall they tower over people sitting at the table. 

Me:  It's right up there with the "hi guys, how're we doing tonight" greeting.

MAtH:  Yes.  "us guys are doing fine."

Me:  But this is where things get weird with Dianne.  Her answer makes no sense.

MAtH: haha, no sense for a change, are you trying to say?

Me:  Listen:  "Yes, when the waiter or waitress squats, say, "Oh, you do not have to squat on the floor. Please stand instead."

If the waiter or waitress heads for the other side of your booth, "Oh, looks like we have another person joining us to eat. Hope you're meal is not going to be added to my bill. If so, I may have to wash some dishes. Please stand here (at end of table where you place your hand). I don't bite." This adds some levity, yet gets your point across."

MAtH:  It's Dianne at her best.

Me:  If the waiter heads to the other side of the booth, does he do a squat walk to the opposite boothseat  or is the booth open sided?

MAtH: It think she means the other bench.  I've never seen open sided booths.

Me:  She calls this levity, but it's pretty strange.

MAtH:  Levity.  I can just picture the disapproving, schoolmarmish chuckle.

Me:  Ok, last one.  It's good.  Someone wrote about receiving a bridal shower invitation and the RSVP was an email address.

MAtH:  Hahaha.  I can see what's coming.

Me: Dianne said, "it is inconsiderate to assume all invited guests have a computer as well as e-mail capabilities. It also eliminates the opportunity of verbal communication, which is still a very important part of any culture."

MAtH:  Email.  When will Dianne get this email thing figured out?

Me:  At the bottom of her column she's advertising one of her Etiquette Tea Parties and asks anyone interested in attending to call a number which is ok, but then continues with Send your etiquette questions to Dianne Isbell, Lifestyle, P.O. Box 427, 120. S. Illinois, Belleville, IL 62222-0427.

MAtH: Still no email.  Wait.  What?  She does etiquette tea parties?  What the heck are they?

Me:  Tea tastings?

MAtH:  I doubt it.

Me:  Well, you just have to hope that anyone who attending one of these last year doesn't just show up this year without letting her know.

MAtH:  Don't you mean, "Lat year?"